A group of irritating friends are on a skiiing holiday. Jeff and Cory get competitive over who ends up with sexy Trina (who clearly finds being reduced to trophy status quite endearing.) After a bit of macho willy-waving the two guys head to the slopes, where a smoke machine has conveniently been left running at full power. But their tediously long race ends when Jeff falls over (possibly having nodded off from boredom). Later that evening, Jeff storms off alone in a strop to do more rubbish skiing. He has yet another accident, but this time he dies.
Four years later, someone invites all the friends to stay at a luxury ski chalet - for free - which none of them finds the least bit unusual. But a mysterious man in a ski outfit just like Jeff's intends to kill them all off. Well, at some point anyway. Eventually.
But hang on - Isn't that the former child star who played Wednesday Addams in the TV series? All grown up with big 80s hair, getting her knockers out for some lacklustre sex scenes, in a low budget horror movie..?
As a slasher film, Iced falls short. Yes it has a masked killer (whose identity is embarrassingly easy to guess). There are violent deaths (accompanied by cheap-looking special effects). And there's a final girl who spends the climax of the film running around in the snow in her knickers. It even has a Carrie-style 'surprise!' at the end - but it's so ridiculous you may still be laughing when the closing credits end.
The film works better if watched as an unintentionally funny bad movie. There are dated 80s fashions and a funky low-budget synth-pop soundtrack. Laughable dialogue ("I would love to make the blood pulse hard in your veins again.") A bit of dodgy acting (Alex's secretary is a delight of woodenness.) And then there's Trina blatantly stealing other people's scenes by doing hand weights, leg stretches, and push-ups in the background.
Despite being very slow in places, and a bit confusing (several male characters look strangely alike) I still had a lot of fun with Iced. It contains my all-time favourite line from a horror movie ("But when I got back my tits were soggy from the rain.") It won't scare you. It won't shock you (unless the image of Wednesday Addams caressing her bare boobs in a jacuzzi shatters your childhood TV memories.) But get some beers in, and this movie will give you plenty to laugh at.