"Roses are red / Violets are blue /
They'll need dental records / To identify you."
Thirteen years ago at a school dance, nerdy Jeremy Melton asks a series of girls to dance. All rudely turn him down apart from a tubby girl, who later lies and says he attacked her, which results in him being humiliated and sent away. Back in the present day, the now grown up girls each receive valentine cards with creepy messages like the one above, and someone in a cherub mask is killing them one by one. Has Jeremy returned to seek his revenge? Will any of the victims notice? And what on earth are Katherine Heigl and that bloke from Angel doing in this nonsense?
For most of the running time, Valentine is a fairly routine slasher film. There are a few genuinely creepy moments, there's a whodunnit element, the victims are glamorous and pretty, and when people are at their most scared they do stupid things like walking slowly backwards without looking where they're going. None of this makes it a bad movie, just not a particularly original one. And most importantly I was watching and being entertained.
However, it's when the movie reaches the final act that it loses all credibility. The big killer 'reveal' is so implausible it actually annoyed me. Not just because of the wafer-thin motive for suddenly becoming a psychopathic serial killer, but how could they be that person? In what way does that person resemble the near naked torso we saw in the autopsy room at the start of the film, for example? And hang on - a final surprise in the film's closing shot? So does that mean.. oh I don't know! I can't even be bothered to work it out.
It's such a shame. Overall the film had decent production values, the acting was ok, and it had a few familiar faces in the cast. There isn't a lot of gore on show, but that's not always essential to me. However it's the ending that really lets the rest of the movie down. Up until the final reel, this was a 3.5 from me. But after that, it was a 2.0